metamemphis does not stay here

At marriages, all old aunties come up to me and say “u r next, u r next” and at every funeral I walk up to them n say “u r next u r next”.

You are 25 years old and under a lot of pressure from your parents to get married. Till now you have been avoiding the discussion by making excuses like.. “no mom, I still have to settle down in life .. no dad, see I am at a lower management level, now, if I can spend some more time at office I will become Sr. Manager soon” et al.

But come winter and (also known as “marriage season”), you just can not avoid the topic. Your attendance to atleast one marriage function is mandatory, where you meet uncles and aunties from across the globe of different sizes and shapes. They all seem to have a common concern for you “So beta, when are U getting married?” There was no guessing what happened when I attended one of my cousins wedding a few days back.

This time around at the wedding my mom frequently called me saying.. “Son meet so and so and she is their daughter, so and so”. And each time I had this “Lost in the wonder land” expression on my face. First looking at my mother saying “Maa, am interested in no girl from this place”. And then looking at the girl giving a Joey’s “How u doin?” looks ;). Time n again I have told Mom not to look out for a potential “Bahu” for herself. But meri sunn ta kaun hai!

But I was wrong; this time god himself came to my rescue. An uncle of mine unknowingly broke my spectacles. Initially I got very pissed at him, later on confiding that mom has stopped calling me ever since my dear uncle broke my glasses (Oh, does that mean I don’t look presentable with out specs? Have never checked it but I must soon, but how?.. without specs!). Anyways.

So after the wedding, while returning home ..

Mom: Did u see that girl? She is so pretty no?
Me: no
Mom: But I saw u staring at her!
Me: ….. (How should I explain Mom that I can’t see things standing in front of me without my specs?)

Moral of the story: God does help needy people (we always find excuses to any and every damn thing)

During The Attack on Akshardham temple on 24th September 2002 this Brave Man fought the greatest battle of his life. Yes he was the N.S.G. Commando Late Mr. Surjan Singh, who sacrificed his life for the Nation. Sadly On 19th May 2004 he lost the Toughest and Longest battle against life exactly after 600 Days being in Coma, he lost this life.

The Bullet which hit him in the head made him Unconscious for almost 600 days. His family members were hoping that one day their Hero will open his eyes but he didn't.

It was the Longest Wait for the family members of this Brave Man.

When the whole India was busy in Guessing Who will be the Next PM of the country - Will it be Sonia or will it be Manmohan Singh, This man was fighting his Last battle. But it's so sad that in the hype of all the Political Drama, the News about his Death was Lost like a needle in a hay stack! Even the leading News Papers & So Called Best News Channels of India which Works on 24 X 7 basis, failed to highlight this story of the Brave Man. Unfortunately it was mentioned somewhere on the middle page of some newspaper.....This was the Reward for the Brave task for which he lost his life.

Besides his Family members, only one thing was there with him during those toughest 600 days. It was there near his bed till the last Moment. Can you guess what it was?............... It was the "Tiranga", yes! Our National Flag, which was saluting him for his Great cause. Absolutely No words can suffice our Gratitude towards him...
I salute his Bravery.

Last week I saw Zinda. I kinda liked the movie. Apart from all the questions that came up to my mind, over all the direction, cinematography etc is excellent. Hats of to the director.

There is one particular song in the movie called “Yeh meri kahani”, what a sexy song, I liked that the most. Lyrics of the song are just amazing. Before watching the movie this is what I had thought the story of the song would be like. It’s just an attempt and I know that what I have written is no where close to the actual story.


No no this is not pain,
These are just my feelings
Running through my veins
Mixed with blood
Pumping up my heart
Choking up the brain

Why? Why? Why? Am I like this?
Is it just me or sum power of my clone
That makes me believe …she will never be gone,
On a dining table … while having food and classic wine
She will break the silence,
And will tell me that am all hers and she is all mine

Oh lord.. care to hear my question.
Care replying back,
I need your attention,
My life is going off the track,

What to do with this pain?
Mixed with the blood .. going up to my brain,
Trying to cut the vein,
Letting go off the pain,
Looking at the act she goes “how will I sustain?”

Oh god .. I don’t know what to pause
Where to cut it off
U think time will show me the way
Till then should I just carry on?

I am on leave so I am allowed crack really pathetic joke!

Ok that didn’t make sense but its ok.

So the joke is like…

Our own Mr. Santa singh is all set to travel to London for the first time in his life. All excited he reaches the airport 4 hours before the departure. At the check-in counter he asks the lady, “mam, may I know the model number of the air craft?”. The lady at the counter all eager to share the information, replies back saying “sure Sir, Y not. It is Boing 747”.

Papaji all overjoyed knowing the fact that he will be traveling by BOING 747. Time comes when all passengers are asked to board the flight. Mr. Santa also jumps in the air craft. Now the flight is all ready to take off, and all of a sudden Santa starts shouting “BOING BOING BOING”. Hearing this, pilot gets bugged, he comes out and shouts back “BE SILENT”.

So Santa says “ok, sorry Pilotji”. And en again starts shouting “OING OING OING”.

;).

Its not the case with only Sardars. Trust me. Don’t believe me read on…

On 17th and 18th of Jan 2006, ya that is yesterday and day before I was at IAMAI conclave. Over all it was fun being there. Got a chance to meet a lot of people from within the industry and from out side the industry.

The star attraction of the event was Mr. Dayanidhi Maran, Honorable Minister of Communications & Information Technology, India. He is a very smart person. I also hear that he is a Harverd Grad. To a great extend he has a vision as to what should be done to take the country’s Comm. And IT industry above USA’s and UK’s (I do not understand the funda of comparison!). But I guess due to certain frame work and resistance from the government he is not able to implement his ideas as efficiently as he would want.

Now it so happens that, Mr. Neville Taraporewalla, Director & Country General Manager, Yahoo India calls upon Mr. Minister on the stage. He introduces Mr. Minister by giving some background info etc etc. And en he calls upon Mr. Minister to say “a few words” and give his point of view on the topic of discussion. So with all goody goody smile he stands in front of the mic and starts his speech by saying “I would like to thank Mr. Neville, Director and Country General Manager, AHOO India.....................”.

Ohh yes, AHOO India and not YAHOO India. And I just couldn’t control my laughter. No I am no saying am “the dude”. I am thepla, I am gujju, I make more mistakes en anyone else in this world, but its just funny hearing something like this. Nobody here requested Mr. Minister to “BE (or y) silent” but it just happened!

I have no intention of making fun of any of our minister, especially Comm and It minister coz he is the one who will be able to take this industry and country to a new age era and will give us higher bandwidth so called “broadband connection”.(when I say broadband, I mean anything above 2 MBPS, 24x7). But it’s just funny for first few minutes.

It’s like names where “h” is silent, Niles, Dharmes, Jignes…………the list is long.

Thank god my name doesn’t end with “h” ….

As u all know I don't copy stuff .. i get inspired ...

Tune: Mack 10 - Westside Foe life


U got .. ghaatis on the left … bhaiyas on the right
bhaiyas always stink … Ghaati’s always fight
Do what u gotta do .. gujjus keep it tight
But make em understand and hold on to ur seat very tight

X rated India’s most faded, talking bout Mumbai’s local train
Where ya find people from all places, theres no age .. no cast constrain
It keeps running … no matter if it sunny or it rains
Carries 4.5 million people a day … doesn’t matter if u “bhai” or “behen”
So fellas .. u betta get ur hands dirty
U wana save time, use dis transport .. avoid d traffic and strain
Save some money, just jump onto the train

So what if ….
Chorus
U got .. ghaatis on the left … bhaiyas on the right
bhaiyas always stink … Ghaati’s always fight
Do what u gotta do .. even if gujjus keep it tight
But make em understand and hold on to ur seat very tight

Maka pao, train mein tum jab jayega..
make sure, koi fight kar na payena,

anna & bong, train mein kaiko tum jata,
jata toh tumhara pet kam kar ke jata
Coz remember this, u not the only one who’ll be boarding
Along with.. there will be a lot of people getting poured in

Sirdies. U the one who’ll understand
No no .. I don’t believe in the “12 o’clock” trend

So what if…
Chorus
U got .. ghaatis on the left … bhaiyas on the right
bhaiyas always stink … Ghaati’s always fight
Do whatt u gotta do .. gujjus keep it tight
Let all understand this and better get it right

All right, so I got a chance to raise my voice
Think this, what if u had no other choice
Anyways .. gas prices are so bloody high
To add to that .. autos and cabs always wana fly
Autos wana zip .. cabbies wana crib
BMC wana dig .. dumpers make u feel sick
Do what u gota do … fellas u get my sayin right?

Driving fast could be injurious to your wallet. Don’t trust me take a look at it yourself.


This car was on its way to Lonavla a few years ago just to meet an accident. Luckily none of the passengers got hurt. Post that the owner thought of getting the car modified in the most unusual way (well at least in 2002 people used to consider it as unusual here in India).





He not only spends unbelievable amount to get the car modified but also gets a damn sexy music system installed. Take a look at yourself (ok forgive him for he not removing the cover from the side while clicking the trunk)



Engine of this car has not been modified, however the gear ratio has been changed. A very hot noisy exhaust has been installed. Air intake has been increased for better performance; it does 0 – 100 in 9.2 seconds (come on it’s not a Ferrari or Beemer, oh man did I say I just LOVE BM 6 series!). Very recently the car also got a new MOMO steering wheel. (You know the small steering wheels you get!)

Two and a half years ago, the dude also thought of calling for a new amplifier for his two 12 inches pioneer 305 subwoofer. So in the beginning of 2004, he ordered Audiobahn A4801T. In the pic it looks little dull but its got amazing lazar cut design on it and is surrounded by white neon lights. It also has Infinity 6.5" Components * 2 (front & rear) and to pump music into all these cones it has Pioneer 7750 head unit.

Some may think “So big deal?!”. But to get something like this done much before it becomes a craze is commendable. And for that I respect you ma bro (yes, that’s not my car ;)).

Music: Mr. Lahiri
Tune: Kaalio ka chaman
Lyrics: Mr. Paras Mehta
Category: Paras's Joke
Target Audience: Hindi speaking "lukkhas" from across the glob, 20+, M/F.
Objective: Educating the potential consumer

This song is dedicated to my dear agency fellows and the CEO of my company (Sir, Do u know how monotonous we and our work have become?)

Campaign jabhi live jaata hai,
Campaign jabhi live jaata hai,
pahele pitching hota hai .. client convincing hota hai,
phir plan ban ta hai aur rates dalta hai,

Ohh ohho Ohh ohho Ohh ohho ahh

Campaign jabhi live jaata hai,
pahele creatives ban te hai,
ussmein changes hote hai,
phir landing page banta hai .. ussmein content dalta hai,

Ohh ohho Ohh ohho Ohh ohho ahh

Campaign jabhi live jaata hai,
pahele order banta hai,
phir flights bante hai,
ussmein start date dalta hai aur end date bhi lagta hai,

Ohh ohho Ohh ohho Ohh ohho ahh

Campaign live kar ne ko,
AdManager configuration hota hai,
phir "Ad Tag" bannta hai,
woh publisher ko jata hai .. woh site pe dalta hai,

Ohh ohho Ohh ohho Ohh ohho ahh

Campaign jabhi site pe live hota hi,
banners serve hote hai,
CTR* count hota hai,
phir optimization hota hai,
usse paise jyada milte hai,

Ohh ohho Ohh ohho Ohh ohho ahh

Campaign end date hote hi,
publishers phone karte hai .. payment puch te reh te hai,
Client delay karta hai,
par phir payment release karta hai.

heheheh ... kidding fellows, we know how much we love this industry.

*CTR = Click through rate.